Weekly Rant by the Affiliate Slayer-Part 2 : Chris Kautz

Wow should we make it 2 weeks in a row?  Should I check my pulse for consistency as I have been on hiatus/sabbatical?  A newborn and a recovering wife will make one forget about rants,   although they can provide certain motivations for onesJ    My wife and I share many similarities, but I think like most happily married couples our choices in TV differ greatly.   She likes Bachelorette, Dancing w/ the Stars, Glee, and let’s just say I don’t.    In terms of her daily tv programming she also likes the pathetic local channel 12 news and ET. For those of you who aren’t familiar with ET, it stands for Entertainment Tonight.Problem is, it isn’t that entertaining, so it’s new name should be called “Junk Tonight.”  And there it is ladies and gentlemen, part of my motivation for this rant- ET and the morons that appear on it.   So mark the tape, etch in stone,  send out smoke signals, draw a picture,  this is a rant about ET and the Osmonds appearing on it constantly, and other things about ET that drive me up a wall.

The Osmonds are a “has been music family” that somehow became famous.   I really don’t want to know how they did as that would be time I could never get back and a waste of energy to even discuss.   From my perspective it’s like they are famous for being famous these days.    They always seem to appear on ET for whatever reason.  ET must feel sorry for them.    They are like the Kardashian’s of yester year, aside from a surgically enhanced ass and other body parts they are all hype.  Last time I checked, getting plastic surgery and being the daughter of a famous lawyer isn’t a talent or an ability.  Your 15 mins are up, time is a tickin.

I know what your 67k fans are asking yourself, and I would be too, if you despise ET so much, you seem to watch it a lot?   Well if you paid attention in the first paragraph, I said I had a newborn and a wife recovering from that and surgery.   I know it is difficult for you online marketers to think of others besides yourselves, except decorating your mom’s basement, but I actually do.   I sacrifice my hatred of ET for the benefit of hanging with my wife and kid.   It’s an easy tradeoff, something a lot of you youngins’ don’t get and I wouldn’t expect you to.  It is above your wavelength.

So ET focuses on everything in the entertainment industry.  It isn’t enough to focus upcoming movies, television shows, but then it always talks about what somebody is wearing, what somebody said to.  In fact they employ the paparazzi who follow celebs shopping, getting their dry clean etc.   WTF.  What a waste of time and electricity to mention such things.    Also they switch from topic to topic so quickly like the audience is a bunch of ADD folks on Ritalin.   Kind of insulting if you ask me, not that I would care if you did or not, as you would still hear my rant/opinion.  Go have some milk and cookies if you can’t handle it and save me some. Ok I need to stop this tangent stuff, as I am not the biggest fan of typing.   So ET you lack substance and anything that is truly beneficial or even entertaining.     You are like dung. Oh wait that is an insult to dung.  Sorry dung you are an important function of existence as we are required to produce waste and remove from our digestive systems in order to survive.

So ET, it looks like I will still be forced to watch you and whenever you superfluously mention the untalented and boring Osmonds.   I could go on and on, but I am a bit too lazy to do so.    So to conclude another pos waste of time you will never recover, sorry there isn’t a warranty on time, ET and the Osmonds suck.   We have to do things in life we don’t like for a higher good.   Affiliate Marketing and being successful at it does require some sacrifice as does anything we strive for.   So I will continue to take one for the team as family time is more important than my vast complex opinions of anything.   Until the next rant whenever that is……


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About the Author


Ricky Ahuja is the serving as the VP of Marketing for ClickSyndicate.com and provides strategic corporate and functional marketing consulting services to early stage companies.


  1. Much appreciated. I am sure there will be rantings related to television. The good thing is I am actually quite lucky to be married.

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